Sunday, January 16, 2011

And life goes on...somehow. On one level it seems unfathomable to me that I should still be alive when the person who gave life to me is dead. But I don't want to be morbid, I loved my mum very much, she was a wonderful person and her death has left a dreadful gap in mine and my family's lives. Next month I shall be travelling to the Isle of Lewis to scatter her ashes and it will feel good to take her home.

Focusing on the future I've booked my tickets for StAnza and I'm really looking forward to it. Sadly I was too late for the intimate reading with John Burnside, the tickets for it were gone by the afternoon of the day they went on sale! However I've got the tickets for everything else I was planning to attend and this time I've also managed to book a reasonably priced B&B so no youth hostel for me!! Now just to decide whether I'm going to be brave enough to submit some poems for the Ciaran Carson Masterclass...!

7 comments:

Rachel Fox said...

Much love, Sorlil (you'll always be Sorlil to me). It is a gap - I didn't realise (foolishly) what a huge gap it would be. But all the love she gave you over the years is there too - you don't lose that.

And like I said elsewhere... those intimate readings are not always full on the day... go and hang around outside ten mins before... nick a StAnza badge off someone. You might get in yet.

x

Jim Murdoch said...

I think one of the worst things for me is the fact that death is embedded in cliché. You want the death of your loved one to be unique but every time you or anyone opens their mouth to talk about it you end up saying things that everyone says when someone dies as if we’ve exhausted the things we can say and what things we have to available are running out of meaning are just things to say to fill the silence: “I’m sorry for your loss,” “At least he had a good run,” “You must be devastated,” “Life goes on.” I think that was why I left it so long to write about my parents after they died, especially my mum. It will take a while for your mum’s death to fade into the background – at the moment it blots out everything else – and for her life to reassert itself inside you. It used to be when I thought about my mum all I could think about was her last few hours. Now not so much.

Titus said...

Still thinking of you.

And you're inspiring me to try and get into a position to bump into you! Now, when is it again...?

Marion McCready said...

yes a huge gap, rachel, thanks. realistically I don't think I'll manage to get there early enough on the friday to make it anyhow, oh well!

jim, I think a lot about that last day I had with her, and I don't want any of it to fade. none of us thought for a minute when we got up that day that she was going to die.

thanks titus, oh do come to StAnza, I'm heading up on the friday and staying till the sunday!

shug said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
shug said...

don't be worried, Ciaran's a softie. xx

Marion McCready said...

okay, I'll take your word for it!