tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28238816.post6579874577076757278..comments2024-02-24T11:28:02.310+00:00Comments on Poetry in Progress: Marion McCreadyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04657757253873577465noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28238816.post-73317193887633022702011-07-22T14:35:13.292+01:002011-07-22T14:35:13.292+01:00I've never come across that, jim!
thanks coli...I've never come across that, jim!<br /><br />thanks colin, yes I am which means writing lots of mince hoping to get something decent out of it! :)Marion McCreadyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04657757253873577465noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28238816.post-86258323674944105862011-07-21T21:54:28.895+01:002011-07-21T21:54:28.895+01:00From this and the previous one, it looks like you&...From this and the previous one, it looks like you're experimenting. More power to you.<br />ColinAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28238816.post-36887960560667503852011-07-20T14:11:53.703+01:002011-07-20T14:11:53.703+01:00You might want to have a think about the word '...You might want to have a think about the word <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swale_%28geographic_feature%29" rel="nofollow">'swale'</a>. It has a nice sound.<br /><br>Jim Murdochhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12786388638146471193noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28238816.post-30883398877615263082011-07-20T14:08:13.888+01:002011-07-20T14:08:13.888+01:00just remembered the 'it' refers to the son...just remembered the 'it' refers to the song which is why it is singular, though obviously this isn't clear so I'll have to change it somehowMarion McCreadyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04657757253873577465noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28238816.post-55877788914120499422011-07-20T13:55:25.857+01:002011-07-20T13:55:25.857+01:00you're right, the 'it' should be '...you're right, the 'it' should be 'they', thanks for that. 'alleyway' was just a lazy rhyme that came with it being a first draft. not yet decided whether it's too cheap to keep or playful enough to stay. thanks for this, jim :)Marion McCreadyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04657757253873577465noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28238816.post-84786909028383019232011-07-20T13:03:08.434+01:002011-07-20T13:03:08.434+01:00Different. Which is, I have no doubt, what you wer...Different. Which is, I have no doubt, what you were looking for. Nature is still there but in the background. No title which it needs, and not just a label. Some interesting choices here, the use of italics (who is speaking here?) and the unusual line break in the middle of ‘baby’s’. I’m not big on these – Marianne Moore uses them when her syllabic rhythms don’t play and I’m not entirely convinced by her arguments – but the obvious thing here is that you want us to read ‘<i>They lie with my <b>baby</b></i>’ first suggesting the death of something (the baby? childhood?). The mother is dead – her scarves are her proxy and the baby’s jumpsuit and (her?) ‘<i>1st Christmas dress</i>’ are also proxies. A second-hand shop is the final (in relative terms at least) resting place of things that once had a life. But why ‘first’ for jumpsuit and ‘1st’ for Christmas? And when you say, “Second-hand clothes / have a song of their own, it says” what is the ‘it’? The shop? Coming so quickly after the plurals, ‘hands’ and ‘hangers’ this is confusing. Sonically ‘valley’ and ‘alleyway’ works but I’m not crazy about it. I know you’re looking for a city equivalent but I find myself resisting it. The same with hanger sighing. I see what you’re going for but ‘sigh’ doesn’t feel right. On the whole I like it though.<br /><br>Jim Murdochhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12786388638146471193noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28238816.post-15238346835099731452011-07-20T11:54:57.708+01:002011-07-20T11:54:57.708+01:00thanks for that! :)thanks for that! :)Marion McCreadyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04657757253873577465noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28238816.post-82920460650220610572011-07-20T11:16:59.138+01:002011-07-20T11:16:59.138+01:00I like the first
'Under my hands
the material ...I like the first<br />'Under my hands<br />the material cries'<br />but I'm with swiss on the second, it's not doing anything.<br /><br />I was pretty taken with the split baby's, because obviously it gives the powerful line. Would I find it annoying after a while though, and it is doing anything else? Ah, have to think more.Titushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16380213493011623153noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28238816.post-89248713523903491452011-07-20T09:42:19.908+01:002011-07-20T09:42:19.908+01:00ahh, I'll think about that, thanks swiss.
hi ...ahh, I'll think about that, thanks swiss.<br /><br />hi elizabeth, thanks. yes, I wondered if it would be annoying or not, a wee experiment :)Marion McCreadyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04657757253873577465noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28238816.post-24705965762427271432011-07-20T08:25:04.835+01:002011-07-20T08:25:04.835+01:00I like the shape of this one, and the atmosphere. ...I like the shape of this one, and the atmosphere. I'm not sure about separating that apostrophe s, though it made me think, which is never a bad thingForthvalley scribehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05128591514560815991noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28238816.post-28334501454060458892011-07-20T01:12:08.279+01:002011-07-20T01:12:08.279+01:00i very much like the idea of this. the two hand im...i very much like the idea of this. the two hand images tho seem a bit superfluous and, for me, weaken the rest.swisshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17924594772578153947noreply@blogger.com