I've lost count how many weeks into lockdown we are. And in some ways that's a good thing, I've finally adapted to and accepted the way life has changed. I know we'll be on our way out of lockdown soon and the changes will stay with us for the foreseeable future.

What I've badly missed is my commuting / travelling time - as a non-driver who lives in little town out of the way; on a weekly basis I'm used to a lot of travelling via boat, train and bus. And I enjoy it! It's my reflective time, my reading time, my jotting down images and thoughts time. I've also missed coffee-shop writing time! The business and bustle around me helps me write at the early stage of working on poems and then when I'm in the pit of the poem I need the peace & quiet and my own space to write it.

I'm delighted to have my poems 'Look to the Crocus' and 'The Complicated Sex Life of Primula...' in this month's issue of Poetry Magazine which you can read here!
I also have a lockdown poem, 'The Solitude Stone' on Andy Jackson's and Bill Herbert's brilliant Postcards from Malthusia series of poems written in response to the pandemic.
And...I have a poem about Spanish orange trees -  'The Orange Trees of Altea' on Atrium Poetry!

Eight weeks of lockdown now here in Scotland. I've avoided working on poems over the last two to three weeks. I had fallen into overthinking mode and badly needed to get out and stay out of my head for a while in order to cope with and make it through this time. So I've cooked (and eaten!) a lot, watched tv a lot, and generally otherwise stuck to the practical - walking, knitting, homework and general activities with the kids etc. And it's paid off. I feel much more myself, have a healthier perspective on things and have let go of what I cannot change.

However, poetry never entirely escapes my life! I've been enjoying reading a biography of Robert Lowell by Ian Hamilton. It's been a fascinating, at times hilarious, read! It's good to get a background to the poems and the biography quotes large chunks of Lowell's letters so I'll probably re-read his poems soon and when I do have more of a sense of his 'voice' and the character behind the poems. I've also been reading a book on the Black Mountain poets. Olson, Creeley and Duncan have never been high in my awareness and I've never really been drawn to the later Language poets so it was good to be reminded of the poetics behind it all.

I'm very excited to have two flower poems coming out in next month's issue of Poetry Magazine. It's always an utter surprise and more than a tiny bit miraculous to me to have poems accepted for this amazing magazine (for the fourth time!!!) . And my flower poems are generally my favourite to write, there really is no where else in the world I would rather have them 'homed'!

So I feel ready to go back to working on poems and have notes for a bat poem beckoning...!

Thoughts on Acceptance & Rejection

So far this month I have received two rejections and one acceptance.
I began to think about the position that writers, poets in particular, put themselves in - to be accepted or rejected.

No one forces us to write and submit ourselves to the mercy of editors. Most of us believe something inside of us forces us to write and subsequently submit ourselves to the mercy of editors.
Rather than considering the drive to write and where that comes from, which is where this line of thought usually goes, I've been thinking about the drive to put ourselves in a position of acceptance or rejection.

For me, and after many years of hardening myself or conditioning myself not to associate the rejection of a poem as a rejection of myself as a person, although I do believe this to be true I think still on an unconscious level the two are inseparable. So why do I do it?
The other side of the coin is that every acceptance of a poem is an affirmation of my worth, of my being, my existence even.

I wonder if by submitting poems and inviting the inevitability of rejection I am playing out my fears, or past experiences, of rejection in 'real' life.  And maybe if I can experience rejection in the confines and under the control of my writing life it will somehow magically save me from rejection in my interpersonal relationships. Also if my universal human need for acceptance is also met through my writing then I am not quite so dependent on having that need met in my personal life.

In this sense writing becomes an emotional buffer zone where the feelings of acceptance and rejection are experienced in a safer and more controllable space than in real life.

On a different note...
I think there is something mythical about writing poetry - admired poets past and present become absorbed in the greater project and historical continuum of 'poetry'. When I am reading poems, the authors of them, whether dead or alive all exist together in the otherworldly arena of poetry. So when I received an email from Eavan Boland taking a poem for Poetry Ireland Review it was as jolting as receiving an email from Seamus Heaney would be - someone who lives and exists in the great realm of poetry. That's my way of saying I'm very happy not just to have a poem in PIR, but to have one accepted by Eavan Boland is very special to me.

Also this finally arrived through the door the other day!

I've made it past the post-collection doldrums, thank goodness. I've been absorbed in reading Hart Crane's The Bridge and the work of a wonderful Slovenian poet called Ales Steger. I've been reading a collection of his called The Book of Things. It's a collection of brilliantly written object poems. He is often compared to Francis Ponge and is obviously influenced by him but definitely has his own voice and slant. 

I've had a busy summer working as a tour guide at Inveraray Castle since May. It's been an enjoyable experience - I've learned so much 17th and 18th century Scottish history and I've just finished writing a three-part poem sequence about the castle. 

The poem I wrote for the Scotia Extremis project will be published in a collection based on that project. And I'm delighted that a three-part ballad - my version of an old Scottish ballad about lovers who drown in the Clyde has been accepted by Poetry Magazine!!

I'm now onto book two of Richard Holmes' brilliant biographies of Coleridge. I feel like I've spent the last few weeks submerged in the recesses of Coleridge's genius and wild brain, I'll be sad when I've finished the book!

I'm delighted that The Manchester Review have published my poem sequence on Dunoon's Victorian pier  - 'She Lay Down Deep Beneath the Sea' - in their current issue.

Dunoon's Victorian Pier this morning!

The reading list I submitted to POETRY is now up on the blog here - I've finished reading the Ted Hughes biography and obviously I'm now reading the Coleridge books.

A new magazine of Scottish poetry I've been impressed with is the Glasgow-based Raum. I was pleased to have a poem in their recent issue, a beautifully produced magazine with a broad range of poetry, they're definitely worth checking out. 

Happy New Year!!

I read somewhere that 2014 is the year of the death of blogging. Whilst I don't think that's true - there are loads of regularly updated excellent poetry blogs out there - the role of blogging, for me, has changed over the last couple of years.

I initially set up this blog under a pseudonym as an outlet for my writing with the hope of meeting like-minded readers and writers and the hope of improving my writing. The results were far beyond my expectations. I found a creative community of people who inspired, encouraged and taught me so much. However because of magazines' stricter conceptions of 'publication' and not being able to post up  first drafts of poems, the blog has turned into an irregular newsy update on poetry publications etc.
I'm not sure of the future function of blogs like these as Facebook and Twitter have taken over the creative community aspect of blogging.

Anyway, my dream start to 2014 of having poems published in this month's Poetry magazine alongside such poets as Jane Hirshfield and Emily Berry has come true, much to my continuing utter amazement. You can read this month's mag here and listen to the podcast here where my poems are described as Homeric (!!!!!!) with reference being made to Yeats (!!!!!!!!). Always embarrassing hearing yourself read and I was pretty nervous but I'm so completely delighted at Don Share's and Lindsay Garbutt's
lovely comments on my poems. The rest of the year can sink into oblivion and it'll still be the best year ever!

 
   

When the lovely folk at Poetry magazine asked if I would be happy to record my poems for the podcast to go with the magazine I thought I would probably record my poems into my phone or tablet and email a soundfile off to them. Well I got that wrong - they booked a slot for me at one of the BBC recording studios in Glasgow!!!

So today I went up to Glasgow, found my way to the BBC and was escorted through tight security to a recording studio with a very helpful sound engineer. It was an odd experience reading into the mic with the headphones on, the sound engineer waving at me from the next room through the glass window and the American guy from Poetry on the phone listening in and chatting to me inbetween reading my poems! It was actually quite nervewracking at first until I got used to the sound of my voice through the headphones. However they were so friendly and helpful that I soon relaxed and enjoyed the process.

So! My poems will be in January's issue of Poetry magazine and I'm not sure how many of the poems they'll have on the podcast. It's been mind-blowing for me this last month or so - filling in contributor info for Poetry magazine, filling in US tax forms which I must say are Very complicated (Poetry mag pay VERY well!!!), reading and checking proofs for my poems and now recording my poems at a proper recording studio! I really am wondering whose life I've suddenly fallen into!

The programme for StAnza 2014 is now online. I'm excited to be reading on the Saturday along with three other New Writers at the New Writers Award Showcase event, my profile is up here.

I've had three wonderful mentoring meetings with Vicki Feaver who has been very generous with her help and advice. I think I have one last meeting with her in January which I'm desperately trying to come up with new poems for - all this other exciting poetry stuff has been quite distracting plus I've finalised and handed in the manuscript for my collection which has been a completely mind-consuming process.

I also have two new poems published - 'The Animal in the Pot' in Northwords Now which you can read online here (p7), and 'View' in Ink, Sweat &amp & Tears here.

Just had the most utterly amazing news, I can barely believe it...

Poetry magazine have accepted three of my poems for publication!!!
I could never in my wildest dreams have imagined being published in that most amazing and historically significant magazine.

I met Don Share, the editor of Poetry, at the Eyewear launch in London last week, where I read my Arrochar Alps poem. He liked it so much he wanted to publish it plus another couple of poems from my forthcoming collection.

I'm gobsmacked to say the least. It was great to hear him read plus hear and meet some other Eyewear poets. We all went for dinner afterwards at a lovely, cosy Italian restaurant where I had a good chance to chat with the other poets.

No more poetry plans for the next couple of months so I'll be able to start catching up with blogs and blogging a bit and maybe even some housework too!!