Friday, November 16, 2012

First draft -

(poem removed)

6 comments:

Jim Murdoch said...

I didn't realise that the Jaffa Gate was also known as Bab Al-Khalil or 'Gate of the Friend' (thank you Wikipedia) and so your poem makes a bit more sense after reading that. Unlike the other poem you just posted this one is far more accessible although how many people will know about the gate (or bother to look it up) is another matter. I suppose you're also alluding to its other name (Bab Mihrab Daud – prayer niche) when you talk about the 'folded prayer-tears'.

My first thought was that the female narrator is waiting for her male friend but taking a moment to reflect I can also see a person waiting on some kind of spiritual connection, waiting for Jesus if you will. Although why one would wait for Jesus in a gate built in the 16th century I have no idea.

Marion McCready said...

thanks again, Jim, thoughtful response as usual, will think it over.

Roxana said...

isn't this the gate herself speaking?!! it is how i read the poem anyway :-)

wonderful first line, but it is all very well-written. the only thing i am not sure about is the "folded prayer-tears endlessly fall" - line - it seems a bit artificial and the rhythm is also a bit awkward, i think, i read it aloud many times and it doesn't seem to fit the previous line, melodically.

Marion McCready said...

yup, it's the gate speaking :)
thanks for that, Roxana, I appreciate your thoughts!

Jade said...

I love the line, "I am the herald of Jersalem." It reads so confidently and fluidly. Lovely poem. :)

Marion McCready said...

Hi Jade, I'm glad you enjoyed it! thanks for reading :)