Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Waiting

He’s climbing a castle ruin
at the top corner of the windscreen.

(post removed)

7 comments:

C. E. Chaffin said...

Amazing the perspective you achieve here in what one assumes is the father approaching, except I could not quite visualize the last line-- that after the ducks it appeared as if cattle were above/on his back on some farther hill. Great use of Jim's lyrics.

Sorlil said...

thankyou, it was an experiment, I was worried the lyrics would jar the read. That's what I intended for the last line, do you think that's a problem?

sam of the ten thousand things said...

Nice progression through the poem. The closing image, and stanza, is just the right touch - especially the two final lines. Good piece.

Sorlil said...

thanks for reading and commenting, I'm very glad you like it.

An Honest Man said...

Just back from Italy - nice to read your writing again. No drop in standard; it just gets better.

Ackworth Born said...

I've no problem with the cattle on the back but just wondered if perhaps the child rather than the seat was wrapped in blue!

good atmosphere to the poem

love the "tractor track" seen many of thoses in a past life.

Sorlil said...

Thankyou honest man, kind of you to say so.
Thanks ackworth, good point about what was wrapped in blue - thanks for that.