Shadows of leaves on the bamboo fence uis a great line which has a Haiku feel to it. Also the 'black hands of nature signing' as it makes me think of deaf signing and seems to raise issues about whether nature hears or listens. Or more to the point whether we hear or listen. Not quite sure about 'theatreing'. I love the poem below this one too.
hi frances, thankyou, I'm glad you like it. I know what you mean, my attempt to turn 'theatre' into a verb isn't really sitting right.
Some great things here: The shape of the wind// Revealing itself really grabbed me.
yes, I agree, it has an oriental feeling (I'm thinking japanese, and not only because of the bamboo, it is the relationship between the I and nature and above all the vagueness). but for me the poem is already 'complete' after 'is this how love begins?', the rest diminishes the tension somehow, it is already a bit too much said. just a bit...what else have you tried for 'theatreing'?
hi dave, thanks I glad you like it.Hi roxana, interesting suggestion thanks, I'll have a think about it. If I was to cut theatreing I would just cut out the whole line rather than replacing the word.
The verbalisation of nouns is not new – Shakespeare did it – but I'm not sure how I feel about it. I would be tempted to spell it 'theatring' myself – seems more natural; think 'centre' and 'centring'. Spelling aside it's an interesting choice and I'm reminded of shadow puppets, as you say, 'the black hand of nature' but it's not developed enough I don't think. 'Configurations' suggests figures rather than hands though so, rather than hands, that makes me think of Chinese stick puppets but then again later you talk about nature's hand 'signing' so I'm not sure.The imagery you're using is ancient and yet you include the word 'glitch' which only dates back to 1962 and suggests machinery.I like the idea of the poem, trying to read these symbols, but I might be tempted to think more about interpreting the dance, the shadowplay.Roxana has already passed comment on the Oriental flavour and this might be worth developing, dropping 'Atlantic' and changing 'west' to 'east' perhaps.Interesting piece.
hi jim, thanks for your helpful suggestions.'Theatring' does look better, if I keep it I will drop the 'e'. As usual you've given me plenty to think about, thanks for that.
Post a Comment