Friday, August 08, 2008

The Gantocks

I was born of the river, a quine of the shore.
(post removed)

10 comments:

Jim Murdoch said...

I'm not sure about giants but The Waverly certainly ran aground on these rocks. You can see a chip of the steamer passing them here.

The main problem I have with the piece is that it requires the reader to look up information. A little paragraph something like:

A cluster of rocks in the Firth of Clyde, the Gantocks lie at the mouth of West Bay to the south of Dunoon and opposite Cloch Point.

would be helpful. I've been to Dunoon many times and yet I was unaware of their existence. The anthropomorphic metaphor works well. The word 'quine' is confusing through. I'm assuming you're suggesting that it gives birth to itself but I think that might be communicated more poetically. Perhaps you could clarify?

What I might have liked was for you to top-and-tail the piece, beginning with birth and ending with death but that's just me.

Quite good. Do you realise by the way how many lines end in a word with an o in it? Was that deliberate?

Jim Murdoch said...

I'm not sure about giants but The Waverly certainly ran aground on these rocks. You can see a chip of the steamer passing them here.

The main problem I have with the piece is that it requires the reader to look up information. A little paragraph something like:

A cluster of rocks in the Firth of Clyde, the Gantocks lie at the mouth of West Bay to the south of Dunoon and opposite Cloch Point.

would be helpful. I've been to Dunoon many times and yet I was unaware of their existence.

The anthropomorphic metaphor works well. The word 'quine' is confusing through. I'm assuming you're suggesting that it gives birth to itself but I think that might be communicated more poetically. Perhaps you could clarify?

What I might have liked was for you to top-and-tail the piece, beginning with birth and ending with death but that's just me.

Quite good. Do you realise by the way how many lines end in a word with an o in it? Was that deliberate?

Sorlil said...

Hi jim, thanks for that. MV Akka is a large Swedish vessel wrecked after hitting The Gantocks, apparently she's still pretty much intact down there and a favorite site for divers.

I'm not overly keen on footnotes for poems, I'm not adverse to the idea that the reader sometimes has to do a little work also if they want to understand the poem.

The o's at the line ends was not consciously deliberate, I didn't notice until you pointed it out, but poetry being a work by ear I guess it just illustrates obviously in this poem how I choose my line breaks!

Thanks for your helpful comments.

swiss said...

if i wanted to be picky - quines in the west? cheeky! lol

how much do you read these out loud when you've finished them?

Sorlil said...

yes husband didn't like quine for that reason also, I just like the word!
I read them out loud as I work through them, sound as much as anything else helps me write a poem.

Rachel Fox said...

Living as I do on the east coast (and not knowing the west well at all) the 'quine' was the only bit that I recognised! I like the word...I am not yet local enough to say it properly though. I don't see any problem with a 'foreign' word creeping in...in fact I would put in a few more...mix it up...like the whirlpools! No one ever said poetry had to be like nonsense out-of-date fashion rules (that hat does not go with those shoes etc.). Well, they may have said it but if they did they were so, so wrong!
x

Sorlil said...

I'd never heard of quine until I read Sunset Song. It's amazing how different the east coast accent is, on holiday I was convinced the guy staying in the room near us was Russian then it turned out he was a Fife-er!

Roxana said...

I especially like "I close my eyes to hear the small round o
of a mouth, whistling"!

An Honest Man said...

In a way I felt cheated! I'd have preferred to not have a specific title - something like Who am I?? - so that I could feel good knowing what the last line was before I got to it; but that's just me.

I really like this one.

Sorlil said...

thanks roxana, I'm glad you like it.
I like your idea honest man, thanks for that.