Not exactly crammed full of philosophy. My main criticism – and this goes for all topical poetry like this – is that who will understand what it is about in even six months time? If I’d not caught the news this morning I wouldn’t know what it was about. Or the third stanza at least. Which begs the question: does it work without that foreknowledge or it that foreknowledge inclining me to only one reading of the piece? Because I see Cuban miners in the last stanza I’m wondering what the heck Harris (tweed?) has to do with them. Probably nothing.
I like the opening stanza best especially the simile: “leaves / lie on the lawn like birds” – contrary, you would expect it to be the other way round. I also liked very much “the language of hands” – that single image is worth exploring, the nature of touch and how much our gestures actually reveal.
thanks jim, their only connection is that they all mention clouds. just exercises to help me get into a pattern of writing regularly, I hope to add to them almost daily!
but they are lovely, your exercises... they have unequal parts, i mean small bits that still need a bit of 'polishing' but there are so many gems scattered here already. it's hard to choose, but i think my favourite one would be:
In the cotton grasses of Harris you clothe me in the language of hands,
tghanks roxana! I was deluded enough to think that I'd even get a chance to do feeble exercises on a reasonably regular basis, but just so much going on here.
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Not exactly crammed full of philosophy. My main criticism – and this goes for all topical poetry like this – is that who will understand what it is about in even six months time? If I’d not caught the news this morning I wouldn’t know what it was about. Or the third stanza at least. Which begs the question: does it work without that foreknowledge or it that foreknowledge inclining me to only one reading of the piece? Because I see Cuban miners in the last stanza I’m wondering what the heck Harris (tweed?) has to do with them. Probably nothing.
I like the opening stanza best especially the simile: “leaves / lie on the lawn like birds” – contrary, you would expect it to be the other way round. I also liked very much “the language of hands” – that single image is worth exploring, the nature of touch and how much our gestures actually reveal.
thanks jim, their only connection is that they all mention clouds. just exercises to help me get into a pattern of writing regularly, I hope to add to them almost daily!
but they are lovely, your exercises... they have unequal parts, i mean small bits that still need a bit of 'polishing' but there are so many gems scattered here already. it's hard to choose, but i think my favourite one would be:
In the cotton grasses of Harris
you clothe me in the language of hands,
of flight,
the whisper of mouths.
tghanks roxana! I was deluded enough to think that I'd even get a chance to do feeble exercises on a reasonably regular basis, but just so much going on here.
I left a comment that has disappeared. I will return when there's less going on!
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