Friday, February 10, 2012

New version of an old poem.
First draft

(poem removed)


swiss said...

i'm liking short poems at the moment so the first one is just what i'm liking!

the second one. brambles - isn't that a bit like blackberrying! ; )

i didn't like 'strangled', felt a bit forced for me and after the language going on before it, 'cardiac arrest' felt like a bit of a let dowen for me. everything else tho - loving that!

Marion McCready said...

thanks for that. I think I'm really just a short poem person! yes, I've just noticed the very lovely Edward Thomas poem on your blog! :)

Roxana said...

and this, by Francis Ponge:

The Blackberries
On the typographic bushes of the poem down a road leading
neither out of things nor to the mind, certain fruits are composed
of an agglomeration of spheres plumped with a drop of ink.
Black, rose and khaki together on the bunch, they are more like
the sight of a rogue family at its different ages than a strong
temptation to picking.
In view of the disproportion of seeds to pulp birds don’t think
much of them, so little remains once from beak to anus they’ve
been traversed.
But the poet in the course of his professional promenade takes
the seed to task: ‘So,’ he tells himself, ‘the patient efforts of a
fragile flower on a rebarbative tangle of brambles are by and large
successful. Without much else to recommend them – ripe, indeed
they are ripe – done, like my poem.’

Marion McCready said...

thankyou for this :) there are quite a few references to Ponge in the Hamburger book, I've not really read him before.