I like the immediacy, the "postcard-like" quality. And shades of CP Cavafy, I thought.The quote at the end is fine. Found myself wondering if I'd use the quote itself or an allusion to it (talk of gathering chicks).
thanks Dominic, I appreciate your thoughts. I've not really read much Cavafy, I look him up :)
I agree with Dominic--the word 'shapshots' came to mind before I read his comment--and an effective portrait this is. A polish woulnd't hurt but as first drafts go you're building on solid ground.I wonder about the title though. It reminds me of 1 Peter 2:5 (you are living stones that God is building into his spiritual temple) but when I think of Jerusalem I think that Habakkuk 2:11 (The stones of the wall will cry out, and the beams of the woodwork will echo it.) might be closer to the mark. We have the famous wailing wall but, of course, everyone knows it's not the walls that wail and yet they should.
thanks Jim! yes, I'm still in two minds about the title...
i liked it but it was gone before i could have a second read. you'd be right if you thought i may have missed any of the biblical stuff above!
sorry swiss, I'll try and leave it up longer next time! :)
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