Tuesday, October 02, 2012

First draft

(poem removed)


Jim Murdoch said...

Is this intended as a kid’s poem? Nothing wrong with that of course. I’ve even written a couple of poems for kids myself but not in a while. I don’t like ‘terra’ – it just doesn’t fit – ‘Moored to the world’ maybe? The spaceship bit at the end doesn’t read well – feels like prose – but the idea’s okay I suppose. It clashes with the flower and butterfly imagery earlier I think.

Marion McCready said...

thanks for that, I didn't write it as a kids poem but it the closest to one I've written!