Monday, March 24, 2008

I've barely had time and mind-space to breathe never mind write poetry since StAnza however I had some time today wrote this first draft. You may have noticed I've got a thing for repetitions at the moment, this started out as an attempt at a pantoum but the form became too constricting so I abandoned it.

Cathedral Ruins at Night

The black spires rise out from the sea.
Through dark wynds I wander under stones, eyes, stars.

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swiss said...

i like both of these. maybe it'smy taste but stylistically they seem looser,less formal? i imagine myself speaking them, esp the bookshop one. did you read them out loud to se how they felt?

Sorlil said...

it is less formal, I went for a more natural when reading style but I also don't want to lose the tightness of a more formal poem. I guess it's finding the balance and lots of practice.

Dave King said...

There is so much to enjoy in this poem, more with every reading in fact. Very evocative, and a great use of assonance. I was particularly impressed with:
"where stone succumbs to sand and trees breathe
through leaves which hang like seaweed
in the air. Through dark wynds"

Sorlil said...

thanks dave, I'm glad you like it!

Dick said...

Arresting stuff, sorlil. There's a touch of the Celtic Twilight here!

Sorlil said...

thanks dick, hmm interesting connection!

Jane Holland said...

I love this and think it's rather beautiful in places; you have a gift, it seems to me, for gorgeous and highly sensuous imagery.

Glad you dumped the constrictive form, too, if only because it makes me feel better about being unable to write in form without sounding like a Victorian spinster aunt translating from the Latin.


Sorlil said...

wow jane, thankyou! I think I might quote you for the side of my blog lol!