Monday, January 18, 2010


Trying to write some poems to enter into the Scotland National Galleries competition, here's one I wrote today based on a painting by Alan Davie - 'Woman bewitched by the moon'

(post removed)

12 comments:

Rachel Fox said...

Is it just me or is that painting some kind of alien penis explosion?

Poem is good, I think - striking in a different way (though I think you may have used vocabularly).

x

Sorlil said...

ha ha :) husband agrees with you!

thanks, it was good to try a different method from my usual way of approaching a poem.

Bill said...

Good poem. It's as if Salvador Dali had written the Song of Songs.

Like monochrome moon - it draws the mind's attention to the moon. Got me googling. Found this.

Sorlil said...

lol, thanks bill. yes,the moon's not very monochrome at all :)

James Owens said...

I really like the phrase "jazzy thunder". The juxtaposition is unexpected and, well, jazzy. And the ending, "part-lunar, part-flesh" -- the same sort of juxtaposition, earthly and yet rising into the ethereal. Very fitting for the painting. Yes, definitely a vocabulary poem :-)

Sorlil said...

thanks for this, james. I know it's a bit short, I may have time to add to it before the closing date (fri).

Titus said...

I was all ready to take this seriously until I read the first comment!

Last two stanzas are the one's that really do it for me.

Sorlil said...

yes, there's no beating about the bush with our rachel!! lol
thanks for that, I'm glad you like them.

swiss said...

nope, can't see the penis....

good to see you trying something new. it seems less fluid, with more formality, than what you normally do. like it tho

Sorlil said...

thanks swiss, yes it's good to try something different - doesn't always work out but sometimes you learn things that you can bring into your usual method, that's what I'm hoping for anyhow!

Roxana said...

and this one is gone too, i loved it so much (i'd really like to have a copy of it, from now on i will save your poems in my folders :-) - especially the last two stanzas, but i liked the bare bloodied breast as well (if i remember correctly!). such powerful images... and what a nice coincidence, when i had also posted my asking-the-moon woman :-)

Sorlil said...

thankyou, yes I thought that too! will email it to you just now if I can find your email address