Wednesday, August 03, 2011

First draft

Love: when boats of papyrus

(poem removed)


Jim Murdoch said...

We have the central image of a woman burning clothes. Is it the clothes she is wearing? She rips the silk so my feeling is that she's ripping it from her body. Then there are two other non-fire-related images, the circus tent and the papyrus boats, and these confuse me. Why is the opening stanza in italics? Is it a quote? More like it is the woman thinking. Water normally puts out fire but enough fire will evaporate water. But why the circus tent? I don't like it as a metaphor. I don't get it. I feel like I have to stretch a point to, well, breaking point to make it fit here. It's an interesting image - you should stick with it - but it doesn't really do a lot for me in its present form.

Marion McCready said...

thanks for this, jim. I'm beginning to think my last four or so poems are connected, I'm going to keep on with these and hope a unifying factor / overriding theme will draw them together. on with the experimenting...!