"I live in you, you live in me / We are two gardens haunted by each other." 'Love Poem', Douglas Dunn
I can’t conceive of a childhood minus bramble picking but no doubt there were townies who never had that pleasure. Like the collective noun – a strangle of bramble bushes – that should be adopted nationally I think. I would have gone with the more boring ‘thicket’ I suppose. Coming at us suggests dynamism but, although it’s the obvious choice, ‘creeping’ does not. I’m not sure I’d associate the Furies with brambles. I wonder if you’re alluding to the fact that the Erinyes emerged from drops of blood? At the end of Aeschylus's Eumenides the Eumenides are given red robes to replace the black robes they wore for most of the play. I don’t know enough about Greek mythology but I’m puzzled why the two Greek terms for the Furies are so different, Erinyes (the angry ones), Eumenides (kindly ones). I suppose it depends on what kind of childhood you have to remember but I would never associate bramble with anything negative other than tummy ache; it was even something we did as a family. The ending is particularly good – the last two lines – but the previous two lines don’t sit quite right. The meaning is fine but I’m not so sure about the choice of words. The bubbles/puddles rhyme is a bit too friendly. I like the idea of black pools to lose ourselves in. Puddles are things to splash in and bubbles are what we blow in milkshakes.
This brings out the wild and sinister in the natural commonplace effectively. I like the use of 'strangle' at the outset and 'bramble eyes' in the closer.
thanks Jim. the Erinyes in The Eumenides go from being angry vengence-seekers to being placated and persuaded otherwise by Athena which is why they become the 'kindly ones'. I'd forgotten about the drops of blood!hi Dick, thankyou, I'm glad you like it :)
Just to say I acquired Vintage Sea from Colin at Callander yesterday where I was reading poetry too.I'm looking forward to taking my time through each poem.
Thanks Gordon!! Wish I'd been there, I read at Callander last year and had a great time.
I missed them all!!
if you're not fast...:)
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