Is this intended as a kid’s poem? Nothing wrong with that of course. I’ve even written a couple of poems for kids myself but not in a while. I don’t like ‘terra’ – it just doesn’t fit – ‘Moored to the world’ maybe? The spaceship bit at the end doesn’t read well – feels like prose – but the idea’s okay I suppose. It clashes with the flower and butterfly imagery earlier I think.
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Is this intended as a kid’s poem? Nothing wrong with that of course. I’ve even written a couple of poems for kids myself but not in a while. I don’t like ‘terra’ – it just doesn’t fit – ‘Moored to the world’ maybe? The spaceship bit at the end doesn’t read well – feels like prose – but the idea’s okay I suppose. It clashes with the flower and butterfly imagery earlier I think.
thanks for that, I didn't write it as a kids poem but it the closest to one I've written!
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