Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Father Frost

Airy glitter,

(post removed)

12 comments:

Jim Murdoch said...

This one threw my as soon as I hit the second stanza. The first verse has a nice dum-de-dum rhythm and then it all started to fall apart and I didn't know how to read it. From the title too I expected a kids' poem and I'm not sure it is.
Paint me confused.

Sorlil said...

lol, part of it is based on a Russian fairytale called Father Frost. most of the poem is pretty much a description of the frost and the narrator and the last verse with the pancakes is a reference to the fairytale.

you were up early this morning, jim!

swiss said...

i don't get father frost at the beginning and the female character at the end.

crystalline!

fair play for caryatid tho! lol

my impression is there's two things going on here. one is a description of frost and the other is a narrative. i don't have a sense of what story you're trying tell and in (not) doing so it confuses the images of frost. i'd also maybe look at what you're doing with active and passive verbiage in relation to the character

interesting and intriguing tho. i wouldn't mind reading the tale so that i can take a crack at it!

swiss said...

found it. i'm even more intrigued by your take on it now!

Sorlil said...

"i'm even more intrigued by your take on it now" - lol, I hope you mean that in a good way!
thanks for thoughts on it and for picking up on the crystalline typo.

Dave King said...

I couldn't transcribe your poem into a prose meaning, but that doesn't worry me particularly - unless it does you. I personally don't see why it should be possible to do that. I was a little bemused by bones coming into an analogy of weaving (is it perhaps my ignorance of weaving?), but otherwise I was quite happy to just enjoy the images and the touch of magic.

Sorlil said...

I think your more like me in that sense, dave, I don't mind a bit of mystery. however I appreciate that if the poem is just plain unintelligible then who would want to read it. thanks very much for this.

Roxana said...

can one find this story on the net, sorlil? I like many stanzas, but not the title. and I am confused about the 'figures' too, maybe this woman appearing at the end could become one with the 'I' speaking?

Sorlil said...

yes, just google father frost, wiki have it.

I'm thinking of cutting out the fairytale references as they seem to be throwing the read.
thanks for this roxana.

Jannie said...

Ahh, poetry. Those who do not understand probably never will.

But us, oh us. Doomed to it's beauty forever.

I really liked the line about the "busy bones."

And the pancake line at the end I love, don't know why but I just do.

Sorlil said...

thankyou jannie, I'm very glad you like it!

Roxana said...

I read it :-) now I get the whole context, but maybe you are right, it would work better without the fairy tale references. I can't wait to read the final version, it's really frosty around here, and beautiful ice crystals adorn everything :-)