your poems are often mysterious because they have this hidden narrative one cannot fully grasp... it is truly captivating, you have a gift for that.
"mirrors of men" is interesting. I had a similar thought on the train coming home last night! It's early, I'll be back later to read properly.
This poem really gets into its stride in the fourth stanza. The line 'my aunt calls to me etc. would make a strong beginning I feel.I'm not sure about the 'rain-blessed tongue' and 'peopleless' islands as they feel a bit over-written. I think there's confusion about 'she' and 'I' in the first two stanzas but I agree with deemikay. Love 'mirrors of men'.
hi roxana, thankyou for that. my worry is that I'm not sure if I can get away with so many 'hidden narratives' or whether it's just an excuse for an underdeveloped poem.hi deemikay, aha! great minds and that, lol!hi frances, thanks. I appreciate your thoughts, you've give me some ideas.
Well, my mind is anything but great... :)I actually think this could work as two separate pieces (the second beginning at "My aunt calls me"). And the last six lines sound lovely aloud.I still haven't done anything with my mirror women yet... maybe soon.
interesting idea, deemikay, thankyou for that. I like the 'mirror women' idea as well!
I like this poem very much, Sorlil. It has a gentle feeling of truth in it, and some beautiful lines.
thankyou colin, I'm very glad you like it.
Yes, this is better. As for the comment on 'peopleless' I wonder if 'depopulated' might work better? Or 'barren' only that could be read as never having been populated. Perhaps 'now barren'?
thanks jim, I'm glad you think it's an improvement and thanks for the ideas.
our strongest point can often become our weakness. it all depends on how you deal with it, I believe.
I'm with Roxana. They are mysterious - and don't necessarily need to be judged by the usual rules.
Hi Sorlil, I have taken the liberty of presenting you with The Lemonade Award. I hope this chimes happily with you and that you will feel able to accept it. Details on my blog HereMy thanks to you for all the pleasure your blog has given me to date.Dave
good point roxana, thanks for that and thanks dave, I'm glad you think so.it's so nice that you thought of me dave, thankyou for your kind words.
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