roxana, I wrote it this morning so you know where the butterfly bit comes from! I didn't even notice until after I'd written it - your work lives in my unconscious mind!
I can't tell you how impressed I am b y this. I wouldn't have had the nerve to attempt that, but you've pulled it off beautifully - and I do mean beautifully.
I love this -- nothing to change, as far as I can see. I am deeply impressed that you can respond so quickly to these events.
"Swallow this bitter butterfly, / let its wings expand in your throat" and "The frost-thumbed grass will cry" are my favorite lines. The frost-thumbed grass! Perfect....
In agreement with all of the above. Beautiful, timely piece of writing. I particularly like the way you offset the tragedy with images of striking beauty.
Could I make the suggestion that the first 3 lines being 3rd-person impersonal feel odd as the rest of the poem is in the voice of the father ? Could you incorporate that beautiful nature image into the father's voice, somehow ?
This is such a powerful yet subtle poem S. It deserves publication as soon as possible. I know some have suggested The Herald, but think about The Guardian too. And I'm certain Sally Evans will like it too - she's been writing on Facebook about the event.
22 comments:
This is very strong. Maybe send it to the Herald?
x
thanks rachel, I hadn't thought of that, can't find an email address to send it to though!
Shug's your man with a hotline to the Herald!
x
aaaah - it hits me in the chest, so powerful. it makes me silent. and i feel that bitter butterfly in my throat.
very humbled.
roxana, I wrote it this morning so you know where the butterfly bit comes from! I didn't even notice until after I'd written it - your work lives in my unconscious mind!
I can't tell you how impressed I am b y this. I wouldn't have had the nerve to attempt that, but you've pulled it off beautifully - and I do mean beautifully.
I love this -- nothing to change, as far as I can see. I am deeply impressed that you can respond so quickly to these events.
"Swallow this bitter butterfly, / let its wings expand in your throat" and "The frost-thumbed grass will cry" are my favorite lines. The frost-thumbed grass! Perfect....
thanks dave, I really appreciate that. sorry I've not been over by your way for a while - it's hard keeping up with it all!
thanks james. such a sad story, it's been on my mind all week. glad you like those lines, wasn't sure if the frost-thumbed grass would work.
In agreement with all of the above. Beautiful, timely piece of writing. I particularly like the way you offset the tragedy with images of striking beauty.
thanks titus, I'm glad you think so.
Sorlil, I like this. I think it's really strong.
Could I make the suggestion that the first 3 lines being 3rd-person impersonal feel odd as the rest of the poem is in the voice of the father ? Could you incorporate that beautiful nature image into the father's voice, somehow ?
Touching, a reality that is powerfully sad. It was bold to write about this, but very sensitively done.
thanks panther, good point, I'll give it a go. thankyou :)
hi s, glad you think so. so many other stories that you must know that we don't hear about.
i don't think you should change a thing. i like the indirect feel to the speech. and 'god will catch us', thta's the line for me
thanks swiss, i'm glad you like it.
Damn fine poetry. Damn fine. I hope you got it through to the Herald. This needs to be read by people. I think it's the best thing I've read by you.
I came back for a second read. I think it's even better this time.
thankyou jim, I don't know what to say...I'm happy that you think so!
hi dave, thankyou :)
This is such a powerful yet subtle poem S. It deserves publication as soon as possible. I know some have suggested The Herald, but think about The Guardian too. And I'm certain Sally Evans will like it too - she's been writing on Facebook about the event.
thanks colin! I didn't know you could submit poems to The Guardian.
I echo the others, I think it's strong. I particularly love "bitter butterfly" and "citizens of the sky". Good luck with submitting it.
hi michelle, thankyou, I'm glad you like it :)
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