Wednesday, March 10, 2010

A poem in memory of the three Russian asylum seekers who jumped to their death from a Glasgow high-rise flat on Sunday morning.

Citizens of the Sky

The morning scent of spring

(post removed)

22 comments:

Rachel Fox said...

This is very strong. Maybe send it to the Herald?
x

Sorlil said...

thanks rachel, I hadn't thought of that, can't find an email address to send it to though!

Rachel Fox said...

Shug's your man with a hotline to the Herald!
x

Roxana said...

aaaah - it hits me in the chest, so powerful. it makes me silent. and i feel that bitter butterfly in my throat.

very humbled.

Sorlil said...

roxana, I wrote it this morning so you know where the butterfly bit comes from! I didn't even notice until after I'd written it - your work lives in my unconscious mind!

Dave King said...

I can't tell you how impressed I am b y this. I wouldn't have had the nerve to attempt that, but you've pulled it off beautifully - and I do mean beautifully.

James Owens said...

I love this -- nothing to change, as far as I can see. I am deeply impressed that you can respond so quickly to these events.

"Swallow this bitter butterfly, / let its wings expand in your throat" and "The frost-thumbed grass will cry" are my favorite lines. The frost-thumbed grass! Perfect....

Sorlil said...

thanks dave, I really appreciate that. sorry I've not been over by your way for a while - it's hard keeping up with it all!

thanks james. such a sad story, it's been on my mind all week. glad you like those lines, wasn't sure if the frost-thumbed grass would work.

Titus said...

In agreement with all of the above. Beautiful, timely piece of writing. I particularly like the way you offset the tragedy with images of striking beauty.

Sorlil said...

thanks titus, I'm glad you think so.

panther said...

Sorlil, I like this. I think it's really strong.

Could I make the suggestion that the first 3 lines being 3rd-person impersonal feel odd as the rest of the poem is in the voice of the father ? Could you incorporate that beautiful nature image into the father's voice, somehow ?

s* said...

Touching, a reality that is powerfully sad. It was bold to write about this, but very sensitively done.

Sorlil said...

thanks panther, good point, I'll give it a go. thankyou :)

hi s, glad you think so. so many other stories that you must know that we don't hear about.

swiss said...

i don't think you should change a thing. i like the indirect feel to the speech. and 'god will catch us', thta's the line for me

Sorlil said...

thanks swiss, i'm glad you like it.

Jim Murdoch said...

Damn fine poetry. Damn fine. I hope you got it through to the Herald. This needs to be read by people. I think it's the best thing I've read by you.

Dave King said...

I came back for a second read. I think it's even better this time.

Sorlil said...

thankyou jim, I don't know what to say...I'm happy that you think so!

hi dave, thankyou :)

sunnydunny said...

This is such a powerful yet subtle poem S. It deserves publication as soon as possible. I know some have suggested The Herald, but think about The Guardian too. And I'm certain Sally Evans will like it too - she's been writing on Facebook about the event.

Sorlil said...

thanks colin! I didn't know you could submit poems to The Guardian.

Michelle said...

I echo the others, I think it's strong. I particularly love "bitter butterfly" and "citizens of the sky". Good luck with submitting it.

Sorlil said...

hi michelle, thankyou, I'm glad you like it :)