I didn't know the word furze.But I loved the transition from cold to sun-bell of your arms.This moves along and makes me want more..
only came across it recently meeself! so of course I had to fit it into a poem :) thanks dianne.
I’ve never been a great one for rejoicing so I’m having a hard time connecting with this piece. I like ‘furze’ I have to say – so many great words lying around, aren’t there? – but on the whole the imagery is a little flat and obvious. I would drop the line ‘Platinum clouds pleat across the sky’ and keep the couplet-shape. It doesn’t really add anything to the piece. The last two stanzas are the best – the imagery is consistent across these. I also like the use of present tense. It’s too easy to fall back on the past tense and this is a pleasant change.
the intention wasn't a rejoiceful tone :) back to the drawing board then! thanks jim.
for me it is the first half of the poem, this time, it has such a strong and mysterious beginning, and the image of the birds falling from trees is almost devastating in this context. it is a simple one, but pictured against your breath frozen on sheets, it makes me tremble...
thankyou roxana!if only I had your ability to translate it into pics...:)
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