Sunday, October 10, 2010

First draft -

Autumn trees

(post removed)

8 comments:

Dianne said...

Marion,
This is sharp and full of longing. These little deaths, a
wonderful first draft.
Dianne

Marion McCready said...

thankyou dianne, I'm glad you think so. :)

Jim Murdoch said...

I groaned when I read the title ‘Autumn Trees’ and thought, Not another ruddy poem about falling leaves; this was before I read a single line. So I didn’t start off in a good place. It gets better as it progresses but I still found it a bit clich├ęd for my own personal tastes. I think a more meaningful title would help, something that answers (or at least asks) the question: What am I supposed to be looking for in this poem? For example, the quote from Matthew 24: surely all the leaves fall over time – I didn’t see what you were getting at there. I’m probably being a bit literal in my reading but others will be too. Also I can never read ‘little deaths’ without thinking of orgasms which didn’t exactly help. The overall image, the one you introduce in the first stanza, is good though; I did like that.

Marion McCready said...

thanks jim. "I can never read ‘little deaths’ without thinking of orgasms" - really??!
I'm not too keen in giving interpretations, not trying to be annoying but I like to leave it open to how each reader perceives it, it means more than one thing to me too. However I did write it thinking of countries where to open one's mouth means death.

Jim Murdoch said...

Yes, really: La petite mort.

Marion McCready said...

interesting! I always remember reading that Alexander the Great said that sex and sleep reminded him of his own mortality, I always presumed that he meant the need for sex as a weakness but perhaps it was more in line with the little deaths!

Roxana said...

i'm afraid i am with Jim on this one, perhaps i am too much influenced by French culture, but definitely i cannot read "little death" without that connection :-)

the poem begins calmly, for me, but ends on a totally amazing note, full of tension and surprise, i loved that.

Marion McCready said...

now I need to work out whether having that connection is a bad or a good thing! :)
thanks roxana, I'm pleased you like it!