Tuesday, November 15, 2011

A few short poems I've been working on this morning

(poems removed)


Owl Who Laughs said...

Engaging use of color, texture, and nature!

Titus said...

Most taken with the first, which is moving and circular, immediately meaningful and lovely.

Liked the last too, especially these lines;
crows turn on their branches
as we pass by.

I can't get so much grasp on the second - though the 'fire-leaves of autumn,/blood garlands,' take you to the poppies I'm not entirely sure what's happening when you get there.

Marion McCready said...

thankyou both :) titus, do you actually sleep? ;)

Rachel Fox said...

No, she doesn't.

Marion McCready said...

so you noticed too? ;)

Jim Murdoch said...

Christ, woman, you didn’t leave those poems up for long. Just as well I had a copy in my feedreader.

‘Floating’ was an okay poem, the best of this bunch. You mention a ‘her’ floating but no clues as to who she might be. A better title might have helped there. I do like the fact that the narrator’s situation, which I took to be lying on her back under a sunlit tree, makes her feel as if she’s floating too. Some nice choices but I’d really like to know who the ‘her’ is.

‘Though Poppies Burn’ uses material I’ve read before. Not sure if this arrangement works for me. For some reason the expression ‘curly calligraphy of your hair’ annoys me. I don’t think it’s a bad image but I don’t like it here. The title’s intriguing.

The imagery in ‘Colours’ is pretty but other than evoking a moment there’s nothing here that really makes me want to spend time on it. Probably the weakest of the three.

Marion McCready said...

sorry jim, I'd had enough of them! I appreciate your thoughts on them, putting them on the backburner for now