Wednesday, February 20, 2008

I'm not quite sure what this is supposed to be, just playing around with some thoughts and things here!


The fog furnishes bare branches
with droplets like glass berries. Static
they do not tremble since
there is no breeze, no not even
a whisper from your lips.


A tree wrenched from the earth
is spilling across the walkway.
I gather sticks like thoughts
of you and toss them
into the nearest river.


The moon slides in then out of view.
A stutter of milk light soaks
the pavement for a moment
then eclipses, like hands clasped
in front my eyes.


A barge drifts up the Firth.
The pram to my left bears its sleeping cargo.
I’ve memorised your breathing:
a steady lilt, rising with dreams
of cups, cars, and the word ‘no’.


Through railing shadows I step.
Under a crescent moon
crossing the arc of night
a plane heads for the continent,
in my sleep I speak your tongue.


swiss said...

i like it, it's different from what you've had up before. i like the last two stanzas best, and it's probably personal taste, but you don't have a structured 'like' stuck in the middle of them

or, more formally, what's the simile doing for you in the first three that you don't use it in the last? does the repetition work? why the distancing in the imagery?

reading dorothy baird's leavingthe nest at the moment. give it a look if you see it.think you might like it.

will be down your neck of the woods later today. want to look at a new neolithic site at achnabreac. do you think it'll be raining? lol

Sorlil said...

thanks for that, you've giving me some things to think about, it's always good to get an objective view.

Actually it's cleared up for now but I don't think that'll last long! Yeah I read about that the other day, I was up at Achnabreck last year, love it up at the whole Kilmartin Glen and Dunadd's always worth a walk up