Thursday, February 14, 2008

Valentine Triolet

I am your canoe

(post removed)

6 comments:

swiss said...

top prize for you! doing these hurts my head like those wooden puzzle things you have to dismantle then somehow all fir together again! but not only thatyou've got the poem in there too. no mean feat.

what next? a pantoum?

Sorlil said...

why thankyou! I've discovered that if you make your repetition line a line of two halves it makes the form a whole lot easier!

Jane Holland said...

Great stuff, I really like this. I almost never work in form myself because, as swiss says, it makes your head hurt, but also because I'm pretty lousy at it and prefer to let my voice fall where it will.

Is it possible to lose the 'and' before 'together we sway', just using another comma to keep the sense?

I'm not sure of your metre requirements in that line, though I always play irresponsibly with metre anyway, like matches! See what I can get to go up in flames ...

Dick said...

This works the form really well, sorlil. Delightful.

Sorlil said...

thanks Jane, I'm glad you like it! Yep I'll drop the 'and', this is loosely called a triolet which I think are supposed to be in tetrameter, I've just gone roughly for a five beat line.
hi dick, thankyou!

SarahJane said...

Very nice triolet.
still smiling.