Thursday, July 15, 2010

first draft -

The Silver Darlings

(post removed)

7 comments:

Dianne said...

oh such a song
my what a dance
you turn me around with this!
very fine, very very fine

Frances said...

Love it. What's a Cailleach? Not that I need to know to enjoy the work.

Jim Murdoch said...

The problem here is that unless you understand who the Cailleach is you miss a lot, perhaps the whole point of the poem. For me you need to say more about the goddess. Also the references to things associated with the sea seem inappropriate for someone associated primarily with hills and mountains. Besides what you seem to be describing here is the evidence of her and not her.

I think the Cailleach is a fascinating basis for a poem or indeed a series of poems. I think there’s too much to be distilled into a single short piece like this. Why not try and make this the first of a series?

Marion said...

thankyou diane :)

thanks frances, glad you like it! cailleach is gaelic for 'old woman' but it has many more connotations that jim refers to below. I think I may remove it if it's leading people in the wrong direction.

hi jim, thanks very much for reading and for your helpful comment. Basically the poem is about the herring girls of early to mid 20th C, that's what the silver darlings and all the sea references are about. But I'm using the "old woman of the moors" (Cailleach na Mointeach Kerbed Cairn) - a set of hills across from the Callanish Stones in the shape of a woman lying on her back) to be a kind of archetype for the herring girls whose generation is mostly gone. So my intention is not to go down the goddess route and I'll remove cailleach if it's distracting the poem.

Jim Murdoch said...

Yes, and a change of title to something like 'The Herring Girl' would be a help. I still think you should have a think about Cailleach as a topic. I think you could do it justice.

Roxana said...

as i wasn't aware of all the hidden references, at first i enjoyed the poem for its amazing images, conjuring surreal landscapes of sea and body... now after reading on the herring girls, i love it even more!

The peaty moon

rising from her knees,
sailing the length of her curves.

simply wonderful!

Marion said...

yes, a change of title would probably help :)

hi roxana, I'm so glad you enjoyed it, thankyou!