Thursday, November 11, 2010

First draft -

The Giving Trees

(post removed)

10 comments:

Elizabeth Rimmer said...

Lovely topical poem, Marion!

Frances said...

Your work just gets better and better.

swiss said...

what, are the kids away or something? i haven't even got round to commenting on the last one!

i rather liked the last one but i'm less convinced my this one. strange as it might seem from me i'd like to see some nouns standing there on their own. sometimes, and i recognise this because i've got a tendency for exactly the same, all the language seems to overshadow what you're saying

Marion McCready said...

elizabeth and frances, thankyou! :))

swiss, blissfully ruby is now big enough that her and sorley play great together and I no longer need to entertain them both all day! plus I'm afraid to stop writing in case I write nothing for the next six months!

I know what you mean, I struggle to write without lashings of metaphors! thanks for your thoughts on it.

Jim Murdoch said...

I thought I’d sit on this one for a wee while before jumping in with two feet but I agree with Swiss here, the language is all very pretty and that but what are you saying? I’m not saying it’s meaningless but there’s less meaning there than I personally need. There’s a generic ‘him’ and a ‘her’ again but what’s this all about? The best poem you’ve ever written as far as I’m concerned was about the suicide family because it was about something and someone real.

Marion McCready said...

hi jim, the poem's about my fifthteenth wedding anniversary which is coming up next month. I take your point but I also think that if I hadn't prefaced the suicide poem with a note about them and not written it in such close proximity to the event people probably wouldn't have know what it was about either!!

Crafty Green Poet said...

Knowing from the comments that this is for your wedding anniversary is really helpful! I like the copper kiss and the constant motion of the trees, and the leaves falling constantly - like memories or changing feelings.

Marion McCready said...

thanks juliet! perhaps I should change the title to make it more obvious!

Roxana said...

but i am so loving this, and i don't think for a minute it is too crowded with metaphors, in fact the images are pretty simple if one comes to think about it. the only thing i am not sure about is "fat eclipses".

Marion McCready said...

thanks roxana, I'm glad you like it :) and thanks for your thoughts on fat eclipses!