I read this as a war poem. As such I would have been more comfortable with a ‘his’ rather than a ‘her’ since I imagine there weren’t too many Boadiceas kicking around in the old days. And it has to be the old days because of the ‘cairn’. I like the use of the two voices and the fact that the even stanzas mention the three elements, earth, water and air (pity you couldn’t have squeezed fire in there). The rhyme scheme could have been tidier for me. It reads okay though. Now, please don’t tell me this is another ruddy love poem.
thanks jim, I can see why you would read it that way. It's actually about stoning and the cairn in meant as in the wee pile of rocks hillwalkers leave on mountain tops.
Aargh! Reading Jim's comment has now affected me - I can see exactly why he's said it, and the sense it makes. I had suicide-y visions in the periphery too, but that may be because I've just read Muriel Spark's The Driver's Seat. There is a real darkness to the piece that makes the second stanza seem just a little out of place. Lovely sounds to it too. Me? I like the darkness...
i didn't see that. for me it was about some kind of anguish but i wasn;t really over bothered. if it's supposed to be 'about' something then my only criticism is that the imagery overwhelms the narrative
but,aside from the last line, which did really ring right for me, i did as always like all the textures
thanks swiss, a case of forcing the imagery to tell a story it's just not telling. I assume you meant the last line didn't ring right, I agree with you. consigning this one to spare parts for future poems!
i am late with my comment, i haven't seen the "stoning" part either but i found it lovely, i still remember the first lines, especially that bit i SO loved. and i also remember the only thing which didn't ring for me were the hemorrhaging sky, that image somehow didn't fit in with the rest of the poem.
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I read this as a war poem. As such I would have been more comfortable with a ‘his’ rather than a ‘her’ since I imagine there weren’t too many Boadiceas kicking around in the old days. And it has to be the old days because of the ‘cairn’. I like the use of the two voices and the fact that the even stanzas mention the three elements, earth, water and air (pity you couldn’t have squeezed fire in there). The rhyme scheme could have been tidier for me. It reads okay though. Now, please don’t tell me this is another ruddy love poem.
thanks jim, I can see why you would read it that way. It's actually about stoning and the cairn in meant as in the wee pile of rocks hillwalkers leave on mountain tops.
Aargh! Reading Jim's comment has now affected me - I can see exactly why he's said it, and the sense it makes. I had suicide-y visions in the periphery too, but that may be because I've just read Muriel Spark's The Driver's Seat.
There is a real darkness to the piece that makes the second stanza seem just a little out of place.
Lovely sounds to it too. Me? I like the darkness...
I can only see jim's interpretation now too when I read it. I think that pretty much means its failed!
it's about stoning!?
i didn't see that. for me it was about some kind of anguish but i wasn;t really over bothered. if it's supposed to be 'about' something then my only criticism is that the imagery overwhelms the narrative
but,aside from the last line, which did really ring right for me, i did as always like all the textures
thanks swiss, a case of forcing the imagery to tell a story it's just not telling. I assume you meant the last line didn't ring right, I agree with you. consigning this one to spare parts for future poems!
i am late with my comment, i haven't seen the "stoning" part either but i found it lovely, i still remember the first lines, especially that bit i SO loved.
and i also remember the only thing which didn't ring for me were the hemorrhaging sky, that image somehow didn't fit in with the rest of the poem.
thankyou roxana :) you're right, that bit wasn't working either!
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