This poem has caused some discussion. I like it. I like it very much. The one question I had, and the one my wife and I have just discussed, is whether the footwear should be boots. I thought they should be trainers since that’s mostly what kids wear and it’s kids who steal each other’s footwear and toss it over wires. Then she reminded me of the film Big Fish where all the people threw their footwear over the wire and, “Besides,” she said, “That might be what she saw and is just reporting it as she saw it.” I won’t nitpick about word choice – I read it aloud to Carrie and it works just fine. Great image though. My kind of poem.
jim, knock me over with a feather - you like my poem! :)carrie's right, it's what I saw! thankyou!
I liked it too, a lot.I'll just highlight 'predator taxi' - great image.
thanks titus! I'm glad you like it :)
I love this one. It is a bit more spare than your usual, but that fits the subject perfectly. And such a great image for desolation! Especially like "their tongues / licking the spindrift" and the pun on "soles".
Suspended in the air and empty --- suddenly emptied, perhaps, as if their owners have just now disappeared in the Rapture....
haha, i was reading the poem and at the end i thought: Jim will like this one :-)and then i open the comments box and find the discussion here... it's wonderful, a different tone than usual, indeed, but you master it perfectly and it is fresh and gripping in its glimpse of the everyday detail, seemingly banal yet heavy with poetry, if only one knows to look and to find the right words.the ending is fabulous!ps. the title gives away too much, in my opinion, explains everything already and the ending doesn't come as a surprise any longer. luckily i hadn't seen it (!) before reading so the last two lines came like a shock, creating a wonderful tension and dark mystery.
james, thankyou! yes, the rapture, that's exactly the image that came into my head :)I'm glad you like soles, it was too good a pun not to use but then I wondered if it might be slightly cringeworthy because of that!roxana :) I thought that too about the ending! in my redraft the title becomes just 'Boots' and 'when the day of reckoning' becomes the penultimate line. thanks for confirming that!
oh i am so glad :-)but are you sure you need to be so precise, 'the day of reckoning'? i mean, this leaves no other option for the reader, but if you just keep this ending here, there is much more tension and mystery and anybody can imagine what they want under this terrifying image of 'that day'. besides, it is clear it is a collective catastrophe implied here, and the day of reckoning was my first interpretation option, without having read the title. so i would leave the open ending for a plurivalent reading and go with Boots for title, as you rightly chose - but it's just my opinion :-)
good point! I'll think about that, thankyou :)
now me, finally, i like the whole day of reckoning thing, wan't quite so sure of the 'as we all will' tho - too many w's and l's.and, believe it or not, much as i liked the image, i don't think the lines from tongues to north sea are needed at all
I did wonder about all the w's and l's :)interesting thoughts, I'll think about that, cheers!
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