I like this. It creates the sort of expectancy one feels at the start of spring, just as trees begin to blossom. The form contributes well to that.I wonder if the opening lines could be tightened a bit, thus (forgive the impertience; I don't mean to re-write your poem):Buds fatten on blossom trees.Dead stumps sprout branches, leaves, like arms or legs growing suddenly....
thankyou, I take all the help I can get!
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2 comments:
I like this. It creates the sort of expectancy one feels at the start of spring, just as trees begin to blossom. The form contributes well to that.
I wonder if the opening lines could be tightened a bit, thus (forgive the impertience; I don't mean to re-write your poem):
Buds fatten
on blossom trees.
Dead stumps sprout
branches, leaves,
like arms or legs
growing suddenly....
thankyou, I take all the help I can get!
Post a Comment