Monday, April 13, 2009

I'm a bit behind in my poem-a-day due to general life getting in the way and a few bad headaches which made looking at the computer screen impossible. Anyhow I hope to catch up!

NaPoWriMo 11

Blonde sand surrounds me
in minor billows.

(post removed)

NaPoWriMo 12

Wind chimes

Wind chimes sing from the eaves,

(post removed)


Roxana said...

i am sorry to hear you haven't been well - and as much as i am happy for you, i don't want to think that soon you will have to disappear from the blog world for a while :-)

and such lovely poems you posted! this is brilliant:
I press shells into wet sand,

gatekeepers of ships lost
to cup corals,
peacock worms.

Jim Murdoch said...

Of the two poems I prefer the second. The first one really doesn't reach me at all. The second I read over several times. I kept tripping on the word 'tinkle' - it feels too light for the sentiment. Also your final sentence - there's nothing wrong with the sentiment but that kind of phraseology has been done before. I'd look for a more interesting way to say that.

What I did like was 'footprints of the breeze' - very evocative.

An Honest Man said...

I'd at least partially agree with Jim - I find the 2nd poem more evocative.

I'm happy with the tinkle - it is referring to songs of a child.

ambersun said...

Me too! I like the second one - more emotional.


Sorlil said...

thanks roxana, I'm feeling much better and I hope not the be absent too much from blog world when the wee one comes, hoping to have a laptop by then which will make combining such things much easier :)

hi jim, thanks for your thoughts and suggestions.

hi honest man, thanks for that, it's good to know.

thanks ambersun, I'm glad you like it! :)