Tuesday, April 07, 2009

NaPoWriMo 7

Aquarium

Under lilac lighting
they flow.

(post removed)

10 comments:

ambersun said...

I love the last line of this poem - cold blooded etc.

It gives a sort of sinister or suspenseful air to the piece

Amber

swiss said...

yes, what's going on with that? have you been reading war with the newts? lol

Dave King said...

Wow, you're having a purple patch and no mistake. They are just flowing from you. This one is superb. So are the others, in my estimation. May your creative surge long continue - even if I am more than a bit envious.

Jim Murdoch said...

Did you read my post on titles? 'Aquarium' is a little lame as a title especially considering the punchline which I have to say misses me. So, what're we saying, Jesus was reincarnated as a fishy? I think I must be missing something here.

Sorlil said...

thanks amber, I'm glad you like it.

swiss, I'm never going to be able to read this poem the same again, lol!

thanks dave, that's very nice of you to say so :)

hi jim, yes I did read your post, I guess my idea of the job of a title is different from yours.
maybe you're missing something here, maybe you're not! :)

Roxana said...

i love, love this poem!

(i am not sure about the ending, perhaps a subtler mystery could be achieved if the poem ended after the question: 'Can you hear
the words as they slide
into coral?' this is enough to suggest everything)

Sorlil said...

interesting idea, I may give it a try, thankyou!

swiss said...

at the very least it proved how staggering biblically ignorant i am. i said to trace - but fish weren't created on the third day. and she looked at me with the combination of disbelief, incredulity and worst, pity.

it's quite ridiculous as some of my favourite poetry/writing comes form it and i did go to sunday school many years ago but much of it, mostly the new testament, seems to have past me by. maybe it was an island thing! lol

war with the newts? by karel capek. a stone classic. much neglected. seek it out. it may well appeal to your political sensibilities!

swiss said...

i'm just telling t this and i wish i;d had a tape recorder so that you could hear the derision. new testament ignorance? not accepted!

capek's book is still in print. not only that in looking i discovered an audiobook of r.u.r.(for trivia fans the play in which the word robot first appears) which i feel i must have

Sorlil said...

"but fish weren't created on the third day", that's pretty bad, lol!

yes I googled war with the newts and although I'm not really a sci-fi person it did appeal to me!