I do believe you've got your mojo back. This flows nicely. I'm in two minds about the very last line. It works but I can't seem to read it without the poem feeling open-ended. The rhythm changes here and it feels awkward. Other than that, very nice indeed.
Actually how about 'awkwardly' rather than 'drunkenly'? Hmmm... still not sure. I'll leave it with you.
5 comments:
Hi
What lovely poetry - soft and gentle.
I love poetry but I can't write it. I write plays and prose.
Keep it up.
Amber
I do believe you've got your mojo back. This flows nicely. I'm in two minds about the very last line. It works but I can't seem to read it without the poem feeling open-ended. The rhythm changes here and it feels awkward. Other than that, very nice indeed.
Actually how about 'awkwardly' rather than 'drunkenly'? Hmmm... still not sure. I'll leave it with you.
hi ambersun, thankyou and very nice of you to say so.
hi jim, lol :) I'm glad you like it, I've been waiting to stick that last line in a poem for a while now, and now I'm just glad to be rid of it, lol
actually they get better and better :-)
A man skims stones
into the Firth
in the manner of one
who has never known
beyond his own arms
this so powerful and new, completely new image to me.
very nice of you to say so :)
I've very pleased to have found a new image for you!
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